bred and buttered

guess who's coming to dinner

2010-04-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Nobody. Nadie. No personne. Nessuno. Niemand. It’s just you, in kitchen, battling the pervading sense of loneliness by combing the shelves of the fridge with fiendish eyes. There are a few ways to go about eating alone:

A. Find the first thing that looks semi decent (hell, edible at least) and consume it as quickly as possible, preferably with the door of the fridge still swung wide open. If this is the path you take, it is likely that within the hour, you will be back, to wholly engulf another food item that is totally incompatible with the first item. Like pickles and spoonfuls of peanut butter. Something like that combination. (And if you were wondering... yes, I have eaten that before. The jars of peanut butter and pickles are neighbors in the door of my fridge and their close proximity to one another made the mindless selection easier.)

B. Choose something that requires a minimal amount of preparation, put it in a bowl, and retreat to the couch to bask in the glow of the television. Boxed macaroni, canned soup, or cereal is recommended for this method. And even if you choose something that doesn’t require a bowl, put whatever you’re eating in one anyway. Bowls lack the need for presentation that a plate calls for, not to mention that a bowl is infinitely more consoling than a plate. You can be balled up in the fetal position and still eat something out of a bowl. Loneliness is served on a platter, not in a dish.

C. Take inventory of the ingredients you have, scrap together a recipe, and cook a meal for yourself that you would be proud to serve to a guest. By far the most ambitious choice of the three, this is the option you’re most likely to not pick because it’s essentially an act of defiance. The preparation and time that you devote to this meal is like a big “fuck you” in the face of solitude. Yeah, I’m alone, and proud of it, damn it. The more indulgent the meal, the better. Open a bottle of wine. Light some candles. Put on some Sade. In the end, you’ll either have seduced yourself or eaten well, or maybe even both. Either way, you win.

I mix and match all three of these on a nightly basis. One night I might take an hour to cook a steak dinner, drinking wine and dancing around my kitchen throughout the duration of the process. The next night might involve my simple equation for a satisfying dinner: anything + an ungodly, fire starting amount of Sriracha + chopsticks= dinner. In my humble opinion, Sriracha makes a meal. And for my party of one, it frequently does. If not, there’s always peanut butter and pickles.

One Man is a Island Dinner

Ingredients:

- 1 can of garbanzo beans

- Sriracha

Directions:

1. Open can, drains beans, and rinse with cold water.

2. Pour beans into a bowl.

3. Pour as much Sriracha as you can possibly handle without spontaneously combusting.

4. Mix everything around.

5. Eat with chopsticks while watching 30 Rock. I love you Liz Lemon.

feed me seymour

2010-03-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

It’s always funny to see the reaction in people’s faces when they find out that I like to cook. You would think that I had told them that I do something obscure, like crochet or collect antique porcelain dolls. Their faces brighten and their voices raise an octave. Oh, you like to cook? The inflection in the question implies a certain wonderment and fascination. Oh, she likes to cook! How delightful! This reaction, especially considering its frequency, is bizarre to me. Like... um, yes, I like to cook. I’m a human. I need food to survive, and I would like that food to be as tasty as possible. Cooking is pretty integral to that equation. I politely smile and nod, but the question that lingers at the tip of my tongue is: Don’t you?

Necessity sparked my interest in cooking. My parents divorced when I was eight and every Friday I would switch houses. This was all fine and dandy with me because everything was multiplied by two. I got two rooms instead of one, two Christmases, etc. One of the only complaints I had was in regards to the kitchen. My mom, being the stay at home mom extraordinaire, kept the fridge stocked like it always had been. On the other hand, my dad, the breadwinner in our nuclear family, failed to recognize that he now also had to literally put bread on the table. Now don’t get me wrong. He fed me. I wasn’t like some skin and bones rag doll, scraping the last meager bits of porridge from a dirty bowl. Please sir, can I have some more? My childhood didn't look like a scene from Les Miserables, with me as Cosette, sweeping the floor and wishing for a castle in the clouds. My dad cooked me dinner, and if he didn’t cook, our good old friends down at Saigon Le were only a phone call away. The problem was that I would come home from school, starving, and there would be nothing in the fridge that an eight-year-old kid could eat. Oh yeah, sure, let me just whip up this chicken breast really fast. Oh, asparagus? Perfect. Let me grab my handy dandy steaming basket. Where was the finger food? Where were the things that didn’t have to sautéed, steamed, or grilled in order to be edible? You know, kid friendly, fire hazard proof food. The situation got pretty desperate, and as my famished eyes picked over the bare selection, I realized that the only things in the fridge that I could eat as is were condiments. Spoonfuls of pickle relish with mustard on top were my snack of choice.

Let’s just put it this way. When you’re using condiments to top condiments, it’s time to learn how to cook. So yes, person full of wonderment and awe, I like to cook. I like to cook because a person can’t subsist on things out of squeeze bottles alone.

united states of ginger

2010-01-29T14:37:00.000-08:00

My mom goes by many names. I don't mean titles, like mother, friend, wife, etc. I literally mean the woman has multiple names. Real name: Joan. Alternate name: Ginger. This isn't some alias she just uses when ordering coffee at Starbucks- most baristas know me as Penelope- the name Ginger has very much taken on a life of its own. It all started a few years back when my mom was hired at the Whole Foods in Memphis. There were already a plethora of Joans working there so the management asked her to choose another name to use at work to ease the mounting confusion. Having fostered a dislike for her name from a young age, Joan was more than eager to pick. She wanted something that conveyed glitz, glamor, and style... something befitting of a movie star... What better than the name of the sultry siren of the lost Minnow. Mary-Anne? Please. There was only one diva aboard that tiny ship. And thus, a star was born: Ginger in Whole Body.

After hocking vitamins, curing ailments, and generally kicking ass at work for a few months, Ginger began to slowly erase Joan as she was introduced to more and more people as Ginger. This was then only complicated by the fact that when she moved to Nashville, she met all of her friends through work. Now only a handful of close personal friends and family know her as Joan, but it's the person, not the name that matters. Joan, Ginger, Mom, whatever. She is the same little 5'2'' package of love that she always is, was, and will be.

... But, you'll have to excuse me. There's a grande non-fat latte waiting for Penelope at the bar.

Ginger Molasses Cookies

* You need a standing electric mixture for these bad boys. For realz.

Ingredients:

- 2 1/4 cup all purpose flour

- 2 teaspoons baking soda

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

- 1 teaspoon ground ginger

- 3/4 teaspoon ground cloves

- 3/4 teaspoon ground allspice

- 1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temp

- 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed

- 1/2 cup granulated sugar, plus 1/3 cup for rolling

- 1 egg

- 1 teaspoon vanilla

- 1/3 cup molasses

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Put flour, baking soda, salt, and spices together in a bowl and whisk together.

3. In the bowl of an electric mixture, cream butter and sugars together. Add egg, vanilla, and molasses and mix.

4. Add flour mixture to the bowl slowly while the mixer is on low speed until the dough is combined.

5. Put the reserved 1/3 cup of sugar in a small bowl. Take 2 tbsps of dough and form in into a ball. Roll the ball around in the sugar until it's coated entirely.

6. Bake cookies 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet for 11-12 minutes.

7. Wait 2-3 minutes before moving the cookies to a cooling rack.

ina garten, how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

2010-01-21T18:04:00.000-08:00

There are somethings that one can always rely on for comfort and solace. Some people need bubble baths or happy hour(s) to soothe themselves after a rough day. Me? Just give me 30 minutes of Ina Garten and my frown will turn upside down faster than you can say barefoot contessa. As she bustles around her kitchen, she exudes tranquility in a button down. Nothing could ever go wrong in that William Sonoma web of domestic bliss she weaves. Despite whatever is going on in the world around you, whatever international crisis or personal issue that has your head in a knot, you know that Ina will have a picture perfect meal done and on the table for friends and family at the end of the episode. In chaotic times, that's stability you can taste and trust.

Ina's Mexican Chicken Soup

Ingredients:

- 4 split (2 whole) chicken breasts, bone in, skin on

- olive oil

- kosher salt and black pepper

- 2 onions, chopped

- 1 cup chopped celery, about 2 stalks

- 2 cups chopped carrots, about 4 carrots

- 4 large garlic cloves, chopped

- 2 1/2 quarts chicken broth

- 1 (28 ounce) can whole crushed tomatoes

- 2 to 4 jalapeno peppers, seeded and minced

- 1 teaspoon cumin

- 1 teaspoon ground coriander

- 1/4 to 1/2 cup chopped cilantro

- 6 (6 inch) fresh white corn tortillas

- optional things to serve with the soup: sliced avocado, sour cream, grated cheddar cheese, tortilla chips

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Place chicken breasts skin side up on a sheet pan. Rub with olive and season with salt and pepper on the outside. Use your fingers to separate the skin from the meat and oil and season underneath the skin. Roast for 35 to 40 minutes or until done (the meat should reach 165 degrees). When the chicken is cool enough, discard the skin and bones and shred the meat.

3. Heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil in a large pot. Add onion, celery, and carrots over medium low heat for 10 minutes or until the onions start to brown. Add the garlic and cook for 30 seconds. Add chicken stock, tomatoes, jalapeno, cumin, 1 tablespoon of salt (this is optional considering how salty the broth already is), 1 tsp black pepper, and cilantro.

4. Cut the tortillas into half, then crosswise into 1/2 inch strips and add them to the soup. Bring the soup to a boil, lower the heat, and simmer for 25 minutes. Add chicken and season to taste.

it's december? ... wha' happened?

2009-12-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

Some sort of vortex inhabits the time between Oct 31 and the day after Thanksgiving. One minute you're minding your own business, just carving a few pumpkins and the next minute every retail store in America has you in a holiday choke hold. Lost and confused, you find yourself sobbing head in hand in the car because the damn song "Christmas Shoes" is on the radio again. Thanks for throwing that land mine in the Christmas playlist, Delilah. You bitch.

Still not convinced of this lapse in time and space? See any blog entries for November? No. Nothing. Nada. I still have whiplash from last month's speed. Some how turkey day came and went, and here we are again. Time to suck it up and spread some holiday cheer.

There are bound to be a couple of people on your gift list that are absolutely impossible to shop for. My dad is that person on my list year after year. The mounding pile of unworn neck ties, unused picture frames, and unread books that he has amassed from me is slightly embarrassing. Ironically, one of the books I bought him last year, Big Sky Cooking- which honestly was just a covert present for myself- holds the key to breaking the cycle of hopelessly bad gifts this year. I made Frontier Eggs (or Huevos Frontieros as I like to call it) during our Montana trip in September and he said that he loved it more than anything else I've ever cooked. He asked me repeatedly to make it again... and I will... on Christmas. For him. Problem solved. Another name on the list bites the dust.

If December 25 rolls around and you still have a few stragglers on your list, invite them over and make them this dish for dinner. Believe me, they'd rather have a good dinner over a Snuggie or any other half assed gift you might find at Walgreens at 11:45 on Christmas Eve. Except for maybe the singing mounted bass. Those are cool and totally legit.

Huevos Frontieros

Ingredients:

- 2 tbsp olive oil

- 1 small onion, chopped

- 1 green bell pepper cored, seeded, and diced

- 1 cup diced celery

- 1 jalapeno cored, seeded, and diced

- 4 cups canned crushed tomatoes

- 1 1/2 cups bread crumbs (panko worked just fine)

- 2 cups grated cheddar cheese

- 6 eggs

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion, green pepper, celery, and jalapeno and cook until softened but not browned, 4 to 5 minutes.

3. Add tomatoes and simmer until most of the water has evaporated, 20-30 min.

4. Remove from heat and stir in bread crumbs. Season to taste with salt and pepper (and maybe some cajun seasoning if you have any on hand).

5. Spread half of the mixture on the bottom of a 9 inch square baking dish or a 2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle 1 cup of cheese on top. Pour the rest of the tomato mixture over the cheese. Top with the remaining cup of cheese.

6. With the back of a spoon, make six shallow depressions on top of the cheese layer. Crack an egg into each.

7. Bake until the whites of the eggs have set, 20-25 minutes. *The cooking time on this can be a bit tricky. If the eggs still don't look done after 25 minutes, stick it under the broiler for a couple of minutes.

harvest of horror

2009-10-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

Butternut squash has always been one of those things that I see in the grocery store and consider to be more of a decorative statement rather than a viable ingredient for a recipe. Like "Oh, look at that. That would be pretty in a cornucopia. Now where's the real food?" This Halloween, I decided to step up to the plate, so to speak. I was invited to an Apocalypse Chow dinner party (go to teleportdoor.com to learn how to throw your own!) and the pressure was on to come up with a clever dish to bring (people had already promised things like Soilent Greens and Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies). After racking my brain, I had it: Children of the Squash Pizza. Take that fellow witty party goers! How do you like them squash?

The pizza is a great way of making the most of fall since both butternut squash and arugula are in season. The two ingredients go incredibly well together- peppery arugula compliments the squash's mellow flavor. It's a combination that would surely please anyone, even He Who Walks Behind The Corn... I mean Squash.

Children of the Squash Pizza

* Makes 2 pizzas, 12 inches in diameter

* Don't feel like trying your hand at making dough? There ain't no shame in store bought pizza crust. Promise.

Ingredients:

Dough:

- 1 envelope active dry yeast

- 1 cup warm water (105-115 degrees)

- 1 tsp sugar

- 2 1/2- 3 cups all purpose, unbleached flour

- 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

- 1 tsp salt

- 2 tbsp cornmeal

Topping:

- 1 1/2 lb butter nut squash

-3 tbsp olive oil

- 1 tsp mined fresh thyme

- 4 oz soft goat cheese, crumbled

- 1/4 cup grated Parmesan

- 1/2 cup baby arugula

Directions:

For Dough:

1. Dissolve yeast in the warm water in small bowl. Add sugar and let stand for 5 minutes. Put 2 1/2 cups of flour in a large food processor or electric mixture with a dough hook. Add yeast mixture, 2 tbsp olive oil, and salt. Process or mix until a ball forms. Add remaining flour a little at a time and process until a glossy dough ball forms.

2. Turns dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until elastic, about 7 minutes. Let dough rest for 5 minutes.

3. place in a large bowl, drizzle with remaining oil, turn to coat, and cover with a damp towl. Let the dough rise in a warm place until doubled, 1 1/2 - 2 hours.

4. Divide dough in half. Roll each half out into a disk about 12 inches in diameter. Sprinkle 2 baking sheets with cornmeal and lay a disk on each.

For Pizza:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Halve and seed squash. Cut squash into 2 inch slices. Toss squash with 2 tbsp olive oil, salt, pepper, and fresh thyme. Place on a baking sheet and bake until for tender, about 1 1/4 hours. When cool enough to handle, cut flesh away from the skin and into bite sized pieces. Discard the skin.

3. Raise oven temp to 500 degrees. Drizzle each dough disk with 2 tsp of oil. Dot with pieces of squash and goat cheese. Sprinkle with Parmesan. Bake until crust is browned and goat cheese is slightly melted, about 15 minutes (make sure to check the see if the center is cooked enough). Remove, garnish with arugula, and serve with a scythe.

i can haz trikz or treetz?

2009-10-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

Halloween. What other time in the year to do you get to dress up in a costume, induce yourself into a state of sugar comatose, and laugh hysterically at your dog's embarrassment (as documented in the picture above)? ... Actually, for me, that happens a lot, but it's never as fun as it is on October 31.

My love for Halloween and its festivities goes way back: my mom went into labor with me at a Halloween party after eating dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse. My mom blames the spaghetti- my favorite food growing up- but I think it was the party that did the trick. Either way, after hearing that story so many times over the years, I will always associate Halloween with spaghetti, and after dishing up a Spooky Spaghetti Pie for your friends, you will too. Trust me, it's to die for.

Spooky Spaghetti Pie

Ingredients:

- 4 oz uncooked spaghetti

- 1 egg

- 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

- 2/3 cup reduced fat ricotta cheese

- 1/2 pound lean ground turkey

- 1/4 teaspoon pepper

- 1/4 teaspoon salt

- 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

- 1/2 teaspoon coriander

- 1/2 teaspoon oregano

- 1 can diced tomatoes, undrained

- 1 1/2 mushrooms, chopped

- 1 cup onion, chopped

- 1 8 oz can of tomato sauce

- 1/4 cup tomato paste

- 1 clove garlic, minced

- 1 cup shredded part skim mozzarella

Directions:

1. Cook paste and rinse under cold water until cool. Drain well.

2. Beat egg and parmesan cheese together in a medium bowl. Add spaghetti and toss to coat.

3. Spray a 9 inch pie pan with cooking spray. Press spaghetti mixture into the bottom and up the sides of the pie pan. Spread ricotta (it's a bit easier if it's at room temp) over the spaghetti layer.

4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine turkey, salt, pepper, coriander, oregano, and cinnamon in a bowl (this will take a bit of hands on action). Heat olive oil in a large skillet. Add turkey and cook until no longer pink, stirring to break up meat. Add the rest of the ingredients except mozzarella. Cook until mixture boils. Spoon mixture over ricotta and spaghetti.

5. Cover pie plate with foil and bake for 20 minutes. remove foil and sprinkle mozzarella cheese over the pie. Bake for another 5 minutes until cheese is melted. Let stand for 10 minutes.

6. Cut into 6 pieces with your finest Norman Bates kitchen knife and serve to your unsuspecting victims.

out of bed banana bread

2009-10-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, banana bread is one thing everyone should know how to make. Even if the thought of using the oven makes you want to run in the opposite direction, this recipe can make you feel like you've mastered the realm of the kitchen. Armed with a mixing bowl at the hip and a spatula in hand, nothing can stop you.

The instant upgrade in culinary skill, the fact that you get to make use of those few pesky bananas that are a little too ripe to eat enjoyably, and the incredible smell that fills your house make it an essential standby recipe. Bake it in the morning to wake up those last few stragglers. Warm banana bread is more effective than a shrill alarm clock.

The recipe is from Cooks Illustrated. The adorable name is from me.

Out of Bed Banana Bread

Ingredients:

- 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

- 3/4 cup granulated sugar

- 3/4 teaspoon baking soda

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 1 1/4 cup walnuts, chopped

- 3 very ripe bananas, mashed (about 1 1/2 cups)

- 1/4 cup plain yogurt

- 2 eggs, lightly beaten

- 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled

- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Adjust oven rack to lower middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. If using a non-stick loaf pan, grease and flour the sides and bottom of the pan. If using a regular loaf pan, grease and flour only the bottom of the pan. This causes the bread to cling to the sides and rise higher.

3. Combine first four ingredients into a large bowl and set aside.

4. Mix the bananas, yogurt, eggs, butter, and vanilla extract in a medium bowl. Add the wet mixture to the dry one in the large bowl and mix until it is just combined. The batter should be thick and chunky.

5. Fold in walnuts.

6. Scrap batter into loaf pan and bake until the loaf is golden brown and a tooth pick inserted in the middle comes out clean- about 55 minutes.

7. Let cool in pan for 5 minutes then transfer to a wire rack.

cookie monster

2009-09-29T16:58:00.001-07:00

Usually, people judge how well their cookies turned out based on texture, color, or consistency. I judge mine based on how much drool I have to wipe up from the people who consume them.

I whipped up this recipe one night a couple of weeks ago while I was in Montana. Katy Branston literally drooled on the magazine she was reading when I handed her the cookie and she took her first bite. You might want to go ahead and pull the mop out if you plan on making these.

Low(ish) Fat Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

Ingredients:

1/4 cup unsalted butter, room temp

1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 cup unbleached flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

2 cups rolled oats

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a small bowl, mix flour, baking soda, and salt together. Set aside.

2. Cream together butter, peanut butter, and sugars. Add eggs and extract and beat well.

4. Add flour mixture to the wet ingredients and mix together. Stir in oats.

5. Grease baking sheets. Place 1 inch balls of dough 2 inches apart. Bake for 13-15 minutes or until cookies are firm. Remove them from the oven, let sit for a couple of minutes, and then remove them with a spatula to a cooling rack. Let them sit on the cooling rack for as long as you can resist them. Mind the drool.

the alpha female's guide to grilling: beer can chicken

2009-09-29T12:42:00.000-07:00

Most daughters learn how to bake sugary, sweet confections from their mothers. Clad in pastel dresses, embroidered aprons, and matching hair ribbons, they giggle over flour dusted counter tops, delighted by the perfect, uniform shapes their cookie cutters produce.

I've learned a lot of things from my mom, but none of them have involved pastel or ribbons. In a world full of domestic goddesses and Stepford wives, my mom is an alpha female. A combination of beauty, brawn, and brain, she's what you would get if you added Blondie, Betty Friedan, and Martha Stewart (post-prison) together. Even though she's more likely to have a dumbbell in her hand than a spatula, she can still cook with the best of them. In cut off jean shorts, with beer in one hand and a chicken in the other, she taught me one recipe to rule them all: beer can chicken.

So, why the beer can? Besides the simple sadistic joy of propping a chicken up on a grill with it, the beer does two things: 1. It adds a source of moisture, thereby ensuring that the chicken won't dry out. 2. The yeast and malt in the beer makes the chicken especially delicious. But really, it's beer and chicken. What more do you need to know? Light up the grill, crack open a cold one, and stick it to the man by sticking it to a chicken. As Martha would say, it's a good thing.

Beer Can Chicken

Ingredients:

- 1 whole chicken (4 lbs), neck and giblets discarded

- 2 tablespoons vegetable oil

- 2 tablespoons salt

- 1 teaspoon pepper

- 3 tablespoons of a good dry spice rub

- 1 can beer (* I used Coors Light and all you beer connoisseurs better not judge me for a second- It was a little homage to my recent trip through Denver. Next time I'll definitely try using something darker.)

Directions:

1. Rinse chicken inside and out, and pat dry with paper towels. Rub chicken lightly with oil then rub inside and out with salt, pepper and dry rub.

2. Drink half the beer (God forbid, you couldn't possibly do that...). Using a can opener, cut off the top of the beer can. Grabbing a chicken leg in each hand, plunk the bird cavity over the beer can. Transfer the bird-on-a-can to your grill and place in the center of the grate, balancing the bird on its 2 legs and the can, like a tripod.

3. Cook the chicken over medium-high, indirect heat (no coals or burners on directly under the bird), with the grill cover on, for approximately 1 1/4 hours or until the internal temperature registers 165 degrees F in the breast area and 180 degrees F in the thigh. Remove from grill and let rest for 10 minutes before carving.

Serve with a side of burnt bra and a large helping of sassitude.

mad men. mad money. mad substance abuse.

2009-09-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

If you've been watching AMC's Mad Men, you've most likely stepped up one of the following vices: drinking, smoking, or adultery. If you haven't, then you're probably not watching hard enough.

Mad Men looks like a PSA gone horribly, yet stylishly, wrong. While pregnant housewives smoking like chimneys, the rate of alcohol consumption of the boys' club at the office rivals a frat party's. Tanqueray should be bowing down at the producers' feet for all of the free product placement that they're getting. If anyone's ready to Tanqueray, it's Don Draper and the rest of the Sterling Cooper clan.

Despite all of the bad examples being set, it's hard to watch an episode without a cocktail in hand. Hearing the ice clink in the high ball glasses of the ad executives triggers some sort of Pavlovian response in viewers and their mouths begin to salivate for their favorite libation. Perhaps that's why the show is receiving the volume of praise that it's getting: we're all too drunk to judge how good the show actually is. Genius, Matthew Weiner, really genius. He's going to need a storage unit for all of his Emmys by the time the show ends, and we're all going to need liver transplants. That's just swell.

So when Sunday night rolls around, pull up a leather club chair, strike up your favorite brand, and pour yourself a drink. Here are a few cocktail recipes that are good enough to make Freddy Rumsen piss himself... again.

Don Draper's Old Fashioned

* To fruit or not to fruit, that is the question when it comes to an Old Fashioned and the judgement has been cast: no fruit. Besides the fact the this is Don Draper's drink (like the man would ever mix fruit with his whiskey), it turns out that putting fruit in an Old Fashioned started during Prohibition in order to mask the taste of the liquor. Pay homage to the original Old Fashioned which came about in the early 1800s (as a morning drink- ah, the good old days...), and lose the fruit. (Thanks to Esquire and their cocktail historian, Wondrich, for this nugget of knowledge).

1 sugar cube

3 dashes bitters

club soda

2 oz rye whiskey

Muddle the sugar cube, bitters, and a splash of club soda together in an old-fashioned glass. Add ice and pour in whiskey. Serve with a stirrer.

Betty Draper's Vodka Gimlet

1 oz lime juice

1 tsp simple syrup

1.5 oz vodka

Shake with ice and strain into a martini glass.

The Peggy Olson

* Peggy orders a Brandy Alexander on the show, but I think this recipe is befitting of her character. It's sweet, but don't let that deceive you: it's a kick in the head.

1 oz amaretto

1 oz irish cream

2 oz vanilla vodka

Shake with ice and serve over ice in a glass.

it's bowie's world, we just spoil him.

2009-09-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

Part dog, part pig, part man. No, I'm not describing some out of control science fair project. I'm describing something that's taken over my existence: Bowie. Bowie the dog. I wanted a pet, and I got an international celebrity.

Let me give you a little run down on this... creature:

- He had a devoted following on Facebook by the time he was 2 months old. (The "I Heart Bowie Ryan" group. Never heard of it? You will.)

- At his daycare in Austin, he was allowed to stay outside with every size group just because the employees wanted to play with him.

- Bowie's picture was put on the cover of the daycare's brochure. (Brochures today, Vogue tomorrow. Anna Wintour will be eating out of the palm of his paw.)

- He consistently kicks ass at the dog park every time we go. The other dogs go home and eat their emotions afterwards.

- No matter where we go, I know to tack on 15 extra minutes just because people stop me to ask about him. I've considered investing in informational handouts. It would save me a lot of time.

- He's sold out Madison Square Garden for three consecutive nights and had five albums go platinum.

- He was scheduled to perform at Michael Jackson's funeral but he had to cancel at the last minute. He was way too emotional. Jennifer Hudson was a last minute replacement.

- We've had to file several restraining orders against Lindsay Lohan. Bowie told her it was over but she just can't seem to let go.

Ok, maybe not the last three, but all of the others are true. Seriously, Bowie makes me feel like the mother from Gypsy. When the hell will it be my turn, Bowie?? When is it going to be momma's turn to shine?! HERE SHE IS BOYS! HERE SHE IS WORLD! HERE COMES MOMMA!

... Ugh, who am I kidding? Bowie's career will have more longevity than Madonna's. Sigh... I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Bowie's Ultimate Power-Trip Biscuit

These corn, yeast, and wheat free treats are for dogs... or really drunk humans that can't tell the difference.

Ingredients

- 1/4 cup honey

- 1 cup of crunchy peanut butter

- 2 cups of reduced sodium chicken broth

- 1/3 cup peanut oil

- 1 cup rolled oats

- 1 cup oat bran

- 3 cups oat flour

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large saucepan, combine honey, peanut butter, chicken broth, and peanut oil. Stirring often, heat until it simmers.

3. Remove it from heat and stir in the oats and oat bran. Let it sit until it's cool enough to work with.

4. Gradually add enough oat flour to form a stiff dough. (I eye balled this but I'm betting it was about 3 cups.)

5. On a floured surface, roll the dough out and cut out the biscuits. (You could be the picture of domesticity and use a cookie cutter to do this. I just used the rim of a small wine glass... the picture of a wino.)

6. On greased cookie sheets, bake biscuits for 15-20 minutes. Take them out and flip them over. Bake them for another 15-20 minutes. (Be careful about the baking time on these. The recipe said to do 30 minutes on each side, but that was way too long. The first batch was burnt. Bowie was not happy. He pooped in my room. Vengeance was his.)

7. Cool on a wire rack.

8. Feed to a dog with delusions of grandeur.

*This recipe makes a lot of treats. I only used a third of the dough and froze the rest for a rainy day. Or whenever Bowie gets his next multi million dollar contract. Bet you can guess which will happen sooner. Let's just say don't get your rain boots out quite yet.

inglorious vegans

2009-09-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

I think it was the renowned philosopher Margaret Cho that once said, "Don't f*@k with vegans." I second that notion. Don't do it. They need half a reason to give you the verbal beating of a lifetime, and most of them are armed with potato guns. Having said that, it's time for a confession: I use to be a vegan. No, not the PETA membership card wielding kind, just the kind that thought cutting animal products out of my diet might be a cool thing to try. It really wasn't hard for me at home (I rarely bought meat or dairy anyway) but going to restaurants was always a painful, unsatisfactory experience. After three months of Tofurkey, I threw in the towel.

It was hard for me to call myself a vegan anyway. Who was I kidding? I drove around in my leather upholstered car, decked out with a leather purse and shoes. I just wanted to follow the diet, not the lifestyle. My goal was to eat more veggie friendly meals, not dish out the big heaping bowl of self martyrdom that some vegans do (SOME, NOT ALL! LOWER THE POTATO GUN!).

Anyway, my animal free days are over, but I still like to try vegan recipes. I recently bought the cookbook from Babycakes (the famous/totally adorable NYC vegan bakery), and I love it. Here's their recipe for vegan, gluten free blueberry muffins- Shout out to all my celiac sufferers out there!

I would like to dedicate this recipe to Lindsay Kazi :)

Vegan, Gluten Free Blueberry Muffins

Ingredients:

2 cups Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Baking Flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum

1/2 coconut oil

2/3 vanilla rice milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon lemon extract

2/3 fresh blueberries

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line a standard 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, xanthan gum and salt. Add the oil, agave nectar, rice milk, vanilla and lemon extract to the dry ingredients, and stir until the batter is smooth. Using a plastic spatula, gently fold in the blueberries just until they are evenly distributed throughout the batter.

Pour 1/3 cup batter into each prepared cup, almost filling it. Bake the muffins on the center rack for 22 minutes, rotating the tin 180 degrees after 15 minutes. The finished muffins will bounce back slightly when pressed, and a toothpick inserted in the center will come out clean.

Let the muffins stand in the tin for 15 minutes, then transfer them to a wire rack and cool completely. Store the muffins in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.

steak tacos

2009-08-27T10:56:00.001-07:00

I learned three things during my three years in Texas:

1. Pick your battles. Everyone in Texas carries a gun. Legally.

2. Cowboy boots are suitable for any occasion.

3. Tacos can be eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and fourth meal, apparently- Taco Bell, I'm looking at you).

Tacos, tacos, tacos. Tacos with eggs. Tacos with fish. Tacos with tofu. Tacos with green eggs and ham. Tacos with anything you could possibly imagine. Texans just can't get enough, and after living in Austin, neither can I.

Ingredients:

Herb paste:

1/2 cup cilantro

3 garlic cloves, roughly chopped

3 scallions, roughly chopped

1 jalapeno, stemmed, seeded and roughly chopped

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

Steak:

1 flank steak, (1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds)

1 tablespoon kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

2 tablespoons veggie oil

Tacos:

12 corn tortillas (seriously, use corn. stop being a flour tortilla baby.)

cilantro

minced red onion

lime wedges

Directions:

1. Herb Paste:

Pulse cilantro, garlic, scallions, jalapeno, and cumin in a food processor until finely chopped. Add oil and pulse until smooth. Put two tablespoons of paste into a medium bowl and whisk in the lime juice. Set bowl aside.

2. Steak:

Using a fork, pierce the steak 15 times on each side. Cover both sides with salt and herb paste (not the paste that you put in the bowl). Wrap with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes to an hour.

Remove from the fridge, and scrap off herb paste. Heat a grill or grill pan to medium high heat and grill on each side for 6 minutes on each side or until the internal temperature is 125-130 degrees. Move the steak to a cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes.

Tacos:

Cut steak into 4 pieces lengthwise, and then across the grain into 1/8 inch pieces. Transfer steak pieces to the bowl with the remaining herb paste and toss to coat. Warm tortillas by placing them directly on the eye of a burner, over low heat. Watch carefully! Cook about 20 seconds on each side. Wrap warmed tortillas in foil or a kitchen towel so they don't dry out.

Assemble tacos however you fancy with whatever you fancy.

*Recipe from Cooks Illustrated

heirloom tomato sandwich

2009-08-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

Heirloom tomatoes are just as wonderful to look at as to eat. Each one's color is as rich and different as their taste. If we really eat with our eyes first, then this sandwich is a feast. Enjoy them while you can.

Ingredients:

Heirloom tomatoes of different colors

Arugula

Mayo

Salt

A substantial sliced bread that can hold the juice of the tomatoes

Directions:

1. Toast bread.

2. Lightly spread mayo on both sides of the bread while it's still warm.

3. Add sliced heirloom tomatoes to one side and sprinkle with salt.

4. Top tomatoes with arugula and other slice of bread.

*I use arugula because of it's peppery taste and great color, but if you're going totally minimalistic, you could just use pepper.

three salads, hold the greens.

2009-08-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

I use to operate under the notion that a salad had to incorporate some sort of lettuce or green something or other. Oh, how young and naive I was. According to Wikipedia (totally reliable source, right?), a salad is a food made primarily of a mixture of raw or cold ingredients, typically vegetables, usually served with a dressing such as vinegar or mayonnaise.

So, basically, throw a few cold ingredients into a bowl, mix it around, and tah-dah! Salad. Ah, if I could only shake the hand of the person who created chicken salad... now THAT was a stroke of brilliance.

The possibilities are endless, but here are a few recipes to make the most out of what's in season.

Grilled Corn Salad

Ingredients:

8 ears of corn

1 red bell peppers, chopped

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

1 lime, juiced

1 cup crumbled goat cheese

Salt & pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Remove silks from corn, and soak with husks on for 30 minutes in cold water.

2. Heat grill or grill pan to medium high and grill corn until charred on all sides, about 10 minutes or so.

3. After the corn has cooled, remove kernels with a knife and put in a large bowl.

4. Add the rest of the ingredients, and season to your liking.

* You could make this recipe even simpler by using canned corn, but grilling it adds a slight smokey charred taste that works really well with the mellowness of the goat's cheese.

* If you want to kick up the heat a little, and add a dash of cayenne pepper, chili powder, or curry powder.

Watermelon & Feta Salad

Ingredients:

3 cups of 2 inch chucks of watermelon, seeded

1 cup crumbled feta cheese

1/2 cup red onion, cut in thin slices

1/4 cup basil, julienned

Salt & pepper to taste

Red pepper flakes (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine everything in a large bowl. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Mango, Black Bean, & Avocado Salad

Ingredients:

2 ripe but firm mangos, peeled and cubed

2 ripe but firm avocados, halved, peeled and cubed

1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed

2 limes, juiced

Chopped cilantro to taste

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Combine (gently). Yay.

le sandwich cubain

2009-08-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

When I was little, Seagrove Florida was my backyard during the summer. I was never happier than when every nook and cranny of me was covered in sand, tangled in seaweed, and drenched with salt water. Sun filled days spent battling the ocean waves with my boogie board were separated by the occasional overcast afternoon. On these dreaded days, my parents would, without fail, scoop me up and strap me in the backseat of our cobalt blue truck. Together, with the windows down and the air on high, we would coast down the beautiful beach lined Florida highway for an hour to Panama City. No, we weren't in search of MTV's Beach House. We only had one thing on hour minds. There was one thing, and one thing only that could drag us away from the peace and quiet of the surf hitting the sand: Cuban sandwiches.

Sure, we probably could have found some run of the mill Cuban sandwich closer to Seagrove. But these Cuban sandwiches were the kind of sandwich that could have eased a bay of angry pigs and had Kennedy and Castro high fiving each other for photo ops. As soon as we entered the city limits, we would nose dive into a little drive-in called Tally Ho and order a car full of sandwiches to take home. But really only a measly few would make it back to Seagrove. After all, an hour is a long time...

So if you ever happen to come close to Panama City (and an hour counts as close), do yourself a favor and stop into Tally Ho. Until then, here's a recipe to hold you over.

A couple of words about this recipe:

1. I used a baguette. That's cheating as far as authenticity goes, but baguettes are easier to find than Cuban bread. That's why I called this "le sandwich cubain"- a French twist on a Cuban classic.

2. I went the extra mile and brined my own pork loin. That's sort of excessive and defeats my entire "summer is about simplicity" mantra. But seriously, if you have the time and will, do it. It's worth it.

3. The recipe for the brine is from a recent issue of Bon Appetit. I'm not sure which one... it had spare ribs on the cover. Honestly, who remembers the month of the issue over the mouth watering picture that's on the cover? No one.

Le sandwich cubain:

Makes 10 sandwiches (2 per baguette)

Pork:

3 quarts water
1 1/2 cups of apple juice
3/4 cup coarse kosher salt
1/2 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/3 cup sugar
4 large thyme sprigs
2 heads of garlic, halved horizontally
2 bay leaves
2 whole star anise
1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns
1 cinnamon stick, broken in half
1 teaspoon whole allspice
2 large oranges, halved
1 2 1/4-pound boneless pork loin

Aioli:

2 cups mayonnaise
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
4 garlic cloves, pressed
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

Sandwiches:

5 baguettes

2 lbs thinly sliced ham

1 lb Swiss cheese

Dill sandwich pickles

Yellow Mustard

Instructions:

Pork:
Place first 12 ingredients in heavy large pot. Squeeze juice from orange halves into pot, then add orange halves. Bring mixture to boil, stirring until salt and sugar dissolve. Reduce heat to medium and simmer brine 20 minutes to allow flavors to blend. Cool, then cover and refrigerate brine overnight.

Add pork to brine; marinate in refrigerator two days, occasionally turning pork.

* I only marinated it for a day, and it was still great.

Sandwiches:
Preheat over to 350 degrees. Place rack in roasting pan. Remove pork from brine; place in prepared pan. Roast until instant-read thermometer inserted into pork registers 145 degrees, about 45 minutes. Cool to room temperature, about 1 hours. Slice thinly.

To make aioli, blend ingredients together in food processor until combined.

To assemble a sandwich, cut a baguette in half and then length wise. Spread aioli on one half, yellow mustard on the other. Stack pork loin, ham, pickles, and swiss cheese on the bread. To heat, you'll need a heavy pan or object (I used a cast iron skillet). Heat a frying pan over medium heat. Put assembled sandwich onto the pan, put the heavy skillet (or whatever you're using) on top of the sandwich and press down. Hold for a few minutes or until the cheese beings to melt.

* You could also put the sandwich under the broiler for a couple of minutes to heat it.

VOILA!

it's the most wonderful time of the year

2009-08-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it is in my opinion at least.

To me, the arrival of summer is not seen but sensed. It feels like basking in the sun after swimming in the pool. It sounds like the constant siren of the cicadas. It smells like charcoal, citronella, and Coppertone. But the taste of summer is what keeps me hungry for it year round.

We love this season for the simplicity it casts on our daily routines, and that simplicity is reflected in this season's menus. Fresh ingredients, minimal preparation and presentation. The perfect accompaniment to the blissful days and balmy nights.